we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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