I accidentally had phone sex last night
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
