I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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