Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
