Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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