so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
