The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
