he thought i was a dude.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
