Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
