I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
