You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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