IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And then he peed in my hair
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