If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
