You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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