I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
