I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize