Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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