Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
