I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
