So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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