You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
