This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
