He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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