in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
