I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
