Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
