Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How's work?
Spinning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
