JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
