Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
