New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
