Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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