I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
