highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
