Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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