No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
