idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
