my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize