I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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