Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
