how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
