I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize