Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
