she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
