Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
