Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
