i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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