well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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