I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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