I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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