dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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