He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
