So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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