i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
