I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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