i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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