when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
