I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize