Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
