Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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