mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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