I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
