do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
