Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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