If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
