dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize