Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
