I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
