my phone needs a breathalizer
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
