Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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