i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
