he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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