best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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