I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
