Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
