Jerry, you need to find god
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize