i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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