Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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