so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
