I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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