my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
