If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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