Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
