Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
