we're chasing vodka with high fives
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
