so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
