i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
