She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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