Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
