Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
