So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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