well I can't set my house on fire every night
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
