nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
