you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
