My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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