I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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