I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
