I wish my penis had an off switch
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
