I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
