I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
