Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize