Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
