What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
